94 days to go: walking the 21 km

Today my dad and I printed the map for the Stockholm half-marathon to walk the path and see where I will run in 94 days.

It was nice, the sun was out and for the first time since I got here I didn’t need to wear a jacket or sweater which of course is a huge plus… I mean it is summer after all.

It scares me how long it is though. At km 13 I was so tired! I just wanted to sit down and rest my tired feet and shins. I hope that the inlays I’ll be getting will help my tiny feet.

This city is stunning. I’ve discovered new places where I wish I lived… also ate delicious Swedish Daim ice cream!

At km 17 my dads knee gave up so we called it a day and returned home. I really need to star running more but I’m so tired at the moment. Hopefully this will improve once I get back to Munich and back to my routine.

95 days to go: Peruvian Birth-day

Wow my shins are feeling all the standing and walking of these couple of days. First I thought that it was only due to the running but then I remembered I’ve basically stood up straight or dancing for two concerts (and the time before the concerts) that is: 9h of standing/dancing in less than a week. No wonder my legs are sore and tired.

Anyways, today was the day I did what I actually came to do here. My parents have for some time felt like it was time for my sister and I to accept our dual nationality and become Peruvian. For my sister the process is quicker since she was born there and has a birth certificate that is Peruvian. For me… well I had to be born again…

The process was smooth and now I have to wait a couple of months before all the papers are processed and I’m officially a Peruvian. But the third of June will from now on be the birth of my dual nationality… the day my inscription to the books was made… it’s strange, because I’ve only identified as Swedish, that is my whole identity. I’m calm as a Swede, I compromise like a Swede, I am Swedish. I guess becoming Peruvian doesn’t change that but for a while I did. I thought that accepting the Peruvian nationality would make me less Swedish but in the end doesn’t change who I am, but it does make bureaucratic things in peru easier.

It’s nice to be able to make these two happier ❤️

Momma and me ❤️

After the embassy, we took a boat ride. I love going on boats and then for a quick bite to celebrate me becoming Peruvian… funnily enough with Chinese food! But hey! We do live in a globalized world.

97 days to go: Stockholm marathon motivation

Today I got a taste of how it will be for me in 97 days. Mom and I headed to the city before all the buses in the inner city would be stopped as the marathon would take place in the inner city. Everywhere we went we saw people with sports clothes, many nervous faces! I felt with them and wanted to wish them all a safe and happy experience but I was too shy to go up to people and be like: “good luck! You guys are awesome”.

I needed to take a picture for Monday’s adventure of becoming a Peruvian person. My parents didn’t do this when I was a child because at that point in Time they never thought they would be living there again. They also had more important things going on as securing the Swedish nationality. So in the end, I only ended up with the Swedish passport. A passport I love with my whole heart. It gave my parents a second chance at life, it gave me my open values and calm nature. I’ve realized that having the Peruvian passport won’t change that but it is still with a bit of resentment that I do this process. But I do it for them, because it’s important for my parents.

I ended up looking extremely serious on my picture… it almost looks like I’m biting my cheeks… oh well who cares anyways!

Afterwards we headed back home and actually saw the race from home (they were showing it on the tv). Watching the Stockholm marathon my thoughts and feelings were all over the place. I feel like I will be so stressed about being alone there before the race starts, I’m still not sure I can even manage to run 10KM since I struggle with that. I’m stressed about it! At the same time I long for it! Long for the feeling of running of the streets of my hometown, accomplishing something I’ve poured my heart and soul in! I’m extremely excited… and scared!

Im not injured I’m just built wrong

I got the results back from my MRI… luckily nothing is bad or at least it isn’t bad enough to keep me from completing the half marathon. What we thought was a meniscus injury turned out to be a crooked knee… so like my new found muscles are pulling my already crooked knee causing swelling and pressure on points where previously there was none because I was a lazy ass person…

To help the knee get some rest I got this beautiful band on it for two days… the under layer of it was this wet thing that is almost like chalk when it gets dry… soon I’ll get some rehab for the knee to work on the muscles so that the knee stays where it is supposed to!

“Luckily” I’ve been tummy sick… like badly… so I haven’t needed to wear pants on top of this or anything… just been in bed feeling sorry for myself…

I can’t believe it’s 103 days left and I can’t work out because of not being able to eat anything 😭

Life

It’s funny to think about life… I mean I want to live but looking around the doctors office awaiting my knee MRI and seeing old people I can’t help but to feel that I also don’t want to get that old.

I think about being young. I thought 20 was old and I’m 28 now so maybe this will be the same… that like when you get that old you don’t even realize that it actually is old.

I just want to stay like this forever

Loss of motivation

Last week was tough. I just didn’t want to run. The weather was great so it wasn’t that I didn’t have opportunities, I just couldn’t bring myself to get out and run, and if I did bring myself out I couldn’t push myself to run neither fast nor long. Basically I felt quite down. I felt like nothing had happened in my body despite training regularly for 6 weeks now.

So my solution to this lack of motivation. Actually the solution came from my boyfriend and friends. They convinced me to do other things, things that had nothing to do with training and just was about having fun.

We drove to Austria for a little car drive, the weather was great hence the dress, but I can’t believe how much snow is still left up there considering how warm it is.

We made homemade burgers and watched Killing Eve! I’m so happy my boyfriend loves the show as much as I do! Villanelle is the best anti-hero ever!

On Monday I had a whole day on the bike and in the sun with my girlies! We went for brunch and then to a Biergarten and then just to a park to sit in the sun.

At night I met up with my boyfriend and we had some delish sushi before we went home to watch game of thrones (omg people game of thrones!!!)

Doing things completely different from your normal life. Enjoying life! That’s where you get your motivation! I ran on Tuesday (inside) and on Wednesday I had a PT Session where my trainer commended my effort and was saying how strong I’ve become and how impressed he was! And today I have a rest day and then tomorrow I have another PT Session! I’m ready to give this marathon training another go!

I’ve had my first half-marathon nightmare

I was at home in sthlm, it was cold, it was extremely dark, there was 30 mins left until my start time and I was still at home (it takes like minimum 40 mins for me to get into the city from where I live in sthlm) looking for a sweater and more clothes to change into. I had still not run longer than 6,8km and I was terrified.

For some reason an old colleague was also there and he was also running so he went after his car and well in the car I realize that I don’t have my starting number. I never picked it up. And now it’s too late.., now I won’t get to start. I wake up 😑

Im breaking

So I promised I’d go for a run so I did. For the first time ever I felt like my stamina could do far more than body. My legs… like my right shin is just aching with every run step I take and when I decide to walk to rest my shin my goddamn left knee hurts… I feel like running has broken me. I feel shit to be honest. I’m not the best runner, I’m not fast or can’t run long but I love what running gives me. The happiness, calmness the freedom… but now I don’t know I feel let down by my own body.

Wednesday 17/04/2019

6km run in 40 mins. Slow and rather painful

Lunch time run

This feeling you get when you run, the mindfulness, peace and quite, it’s something that once you’ve experienced you crave it. It’s a happy place, a place where no one and nothing else fits but you. You tell yourself to breathe to not think and then before you know it you are there…in the bliss. Where you don’t notice that you are running instead something else, this unspoken energy is driving you forward without it costing you anything…

Today I went for a treadmill run during lunch with a colleague and all of the heaviness of my previous two runs was washed away and somewhere in all the sweat I reached that happy place, that runners high and so I think we should all take a second to appreciate it, appreciate the fact that this is something we can do and give ourselves. Be thankful for our muscles and bones for carrying us, grateful for our minds that push us forward. Today I’m just going to be thankful.

St. Patrick’s day run

The day started of with some Germany’s next top model at my sisters place with some good mortadella sandwiches and oboy! Afterwards we headed into town to watch the St. Patrick’s day parade in the inner city together with my boyfriend. Sun was shining and i was pretty determined to have a rest day.

Then we got home and my boyfriend decided to play Fortnite instead of watching game of thrones with me and my bank erased my flight ticket payment which made me stress so I decided to take the bored and stressed energy and try to make something positive out of it…. I went for a run…

This was actually a small improvement from last run and best of all I really could get all the stress out of my head and just focus on running…

I came home quite tired and ready for some nice GoT and cuddles

Best part of the run – the massage after

Sunday 17/03-2019

Today’s run wasn’t about beating a time, it was about getting stuff out of my brain, to focus on the thing I love most about running, the fact that anything can leave your brain and clarity and calmness can be reached. A plus was that I actually managed to improve a bit. My little toe is digging into the other toe and something definitely needs to be done about that