A race and the feeling after

I made it, and I couldn’t be prouder! I ran 21km in 2:25:42, a personal best. It was challenging to get there and I will never forget how hopeless I felt my last run before the race. How supportive my boyfriend was and how much shit he took from me in order for me to complete my training. I was lucky, I had no serious injuries along the way and to be honest I believe I could’ve pushed myself more, but overall I’m so proud of myself and of what I achieved that I can think back on that day and be happy.

My team ❤️

Now the time after the race was tough. I felt lost, unmotivated and without a goal. Why train? Why work out? How quickly you forget the greatest feelings in the world… I went for a couple of runs… 2 to be exact and was in serious knee pain… I tried to get to the gym but I felt useless… and then… well then it took another turn.

I still don’t really have a goal, I have small part goals that I work on. The first one I achieved last week. Squat pushes hahah is it even Called that?!? You go down in a squat and then push up the weights you have above your head. I couldn’t do those but now I can. The next goal is 5 push-ups on my toes… I can do half a one hahaha 😆 but yeah I’m trying.

I’ve also been running… one cold ass run in November and I loved it. Today I need to remind myself of that feeling and head out for my second run.

It’s so tough running in the cold but having a group that motivates you and where you cannot stop helps!

This is how happy I was after!

I guess motivation is inside all of us, we just have to find the triggers and turn them on we are lacking motivation.

Lunch time run

This feeling you get when you run, the mindfulness, peace and quite, it’s something that once you’ve experienced you crave it. It’s a happy place, a place where no one and nothing else fits but you. You tell yourself to breathe to not think and then before you know it you are there…in the bliss. Where you don’t notice that you are running instead something else, this unspoken energy is driving you forward without it costing you anything…

Today I went for a treadmill run during lunch with a colleague and all of the heaviness of my previous two runs was washed away and somewhere in all the sweat I reached that happy place, that runners high and so I think we should all take a second to appreciate it, appreciate the fact that this is something we can do and give ourselves. Be thankful for our muscles and bones for carrying us, grateful for our minds that push us forward. Today I’m just going to be thankful.

Fear of Flying and being home

At times I feel panic creepin in, palms sweat, heart raise. Rationally I know that it is the safest way of traveling but my mind is not always rational. I cry, my stomach gets upset, small things start annoying me. Yesterday was bad. The resent flights falling down from the sky ( specifically the Boeing scandal), made the most rational words of comfort seem like lies. I looked into the eyes of my boyfriend when we said goodbye and was scared that it was the last time we would see each other, and once again broke down in tears. I hate being afraid of flying, I hate that I cry uncontrollably and inconsolably, I hate that the sight of an airfield can make my stomach cringe and anxiety grow. It still hasn’t gotten as far as me choosing not to fly, but I do keep it down to a bare minimum… he..he… I don’t know what it really is though… or how to make it better because I do feel like I can rationally process all the information that is suppose to help but I can’t help the irrational side of my brain taking over.

Either way, I made it home! With a bunch of “I love yous” and “I miss yous” from the best and most supportive boyfriend in the world and some nice and encouraging words from friends I got my act together sat down in that airplane and flew home… home!

Its strange being home without my parents being here…it feels empty. Can’t wait until friday to see them and see the look on their faces when they see me! Yesterday evening was spend with one of my closest friends eating pizzas and talking about everything that has happened since I last set foot in this wonderful place. It was just what I needed after a stressful day.

Today I have worked and tried some youtube videos to work on my glutes and abs. Im weak and finding motivation is hard but something is better than nothing. Hopefully I can catch a 5km run tomorrow… I do love running here!

Treat yo’self

Equally as important as it is to train it is to at times treat yourself. Maybe not as Tom and Donna do in parks and recs, where they go on a shopping spree (or well also like that) but more importantly to treat yourself with non materialistic things that make you happy.

For me a big part of overall happiness is food. Food and spending time with people I love. So today me and boo went to a lake in the vicinity of Munich and had a really good lunch and some even better ice cream 🍦

I had a chicken salad while boo had a steak 🥩

The weather was amazing and for the first time we could sit outside and eat… there really isn’t many better things than sitting outside in the sun enjoying great food with the person you love the most.

After the ice cream we drove home, listening to music with the windows rolled down…a true treat yo’self Saturday

Saturday-run

It’s weird how good sleep can make you feel. Last night my tummy was all messed up my head was hurting and despite claiming that I wasn’t tired I fell asleep in the middle of a 28 min long Silicon Valley episode.

At 7:30ish I woke up feeling relaxed and calm, tummy didn’t hurt and head was more than good. Me and M headed down to the store to buy somethings for the weekend, made a proper oatmeal breakfast (mine had physalis, coconut flakes and raspberries) and then I felt good enough to go for a run!

Saturday 23/03

3rd outside run. I’m struggling with pace, I feel like I can run faster so I run too fast get too out of breath and have to walk. Today I wanted to do some sprint work out as it helps with overall speed training. Sprints fell good but also incredibly hard on the stamina. Had to walk for a long time after to catch my breath. Saw an old man running and tried to keep to his pace which worked wonders… maybe I need a seasoned runner as a running buddy.

Red faced and proud

Now for a trip to the lake to eat ice cream 🍦😋

Fucking finally

It’s been a long long time since I was running 5km under 40 mins, and that has been my first goal of this half marathon training period! Though in reality I need to lay around 35 mins for 5 km to not be disqualified (but that is a worry for another day) today we are only happy that I finally made it!

New goal well obviously run 5km in 35 mins and 10 km within the hour.

So freaking proud of myself

Update: felt like shit afterwards, headache and tummy ache… oh the joy of working out 💪

St. Patrick’s day run

The day started of with some Germany’s next top model at my sisters place with some good mortadella sandwiches and oboy! Afterwards we headed into town to watch the St. Patrick’s day parade in the inner city together with my boyfriend. Sun was shining and i was pretty determined to have a rest day.

Then we got home and my boyfriend decided to play Fortnite instead of watching game of thrones with me and my bank erased my flight ticket payment which made me stress so I decided to take the bored and stressed energy and try to make something positive out of it…. I went for a run…

This was actually a small improvement from last run and best of all I really could get all the stress out of my head and just focus on running…

I came home quite tired and ready for some nice GoT and cuddles

Best part of the run – the massage after

Sunday 17/03-2019

Today’s run wasn’t about beating a time, it was about getting stuff out of my brain, to focus on the thing I love most about running, the fact that anything can leave your brain and clarity and calmness can be reached. A plus was that I actually managed to improve a bit. My little toe is digging into the other toe and something definitely needs to be done about that

That feared first run

I’ve been pushing the idea of my first outside run out of my brain and out of my work out routine for long enough. Today I thought if I don’t start running outside today it might be too late.

I don’t want to stand there in May starting to run outside when my first 10k race ever is in the end of June. So I put on my running shoes and socks (the socks are oh so important)! And headed out…

I felt the warmth of the air against my skin, the wind push me backwards when all I wanted was to go forward and my legs getting heavier and heavier for each step. I looked at all the other runners in the park and envied their ease and lightness as they passed me…. it wasn’t a good run my first run, it was tough and it was sweaty and partly disappointing but I did it!

2,8 miles or 4,6km in 34 mins… yeah not good at all…

I’m reading this book called “Running like a Girl” by Alexandra Heminsley about her training before her first marathon – she says her dad gave her the tip of writing down her feelings after each run so here it goes:

Saturday 16/03-2019

4,6km, felt like my legs could do more than my breathing. Struggled to convince my mind that I could go on for longer and walked long parts of the run. All in all disappointing.

Time for sausages

This year has started healthy…not.

We have a lot of leftovers from our raclette on New Years that we are trying to get through and therefore we are just eating what we have… good for the environment not as good for our belly fat hehehehe but hey we have a whole year to get better.

At least it looks pretty

So far I’ve also managed to break my phone and lock myself out of several accounts, like my Facebook and old hotmail account 😂 I feel like a star! At least now my pictures will be fabulous as my new iPhone Xs is amazing… though don’t remind me off the price I feel sort of dizzy just thinking about it 😩

Anyways training has been put to the side this month to focus on my health. Mindfulness and long walks are on the schedule though! My last run of the year was slow 4km in 35 mins… 🤨 I feel like my training has so far only made me sweat more but I’m still slow… eventually the speed will come!

Sometime life gives you pie

I woke up with a headache today, I guess it happens sometimes, luckily I didn’t have much planned. Me and S (my sisters boyfriend) did some major grocery shopping, buying almost everything in the store (and none of the trash I must add, we only bought veggies and fish and milk and things that are healthy). I’m not much for eating Healthy I just eat like my mom always told me to: the plate has to have all the colours of the rainbow, and that way I guess it becomes healthy by itself.

 

this is how I look when I go food shopping…not nice in other words

 
S is in a vegetarian period, or he’s actually been vegetarian without nameing himself vegetarian for most of his life but then he met my sis and learned how to eat meat, but now he’s back and my sis and I don’t really feel like being vegetarian, not because we don’t like vegetarian food, it’s more that I (I don’t know about my sis) don’t like prohibiting myself from eating things. This has created a small little issue that is really a none issue but still at times annoying. S eats one thing and me and the sis another = a lot of dishes because we are cooking two meals and = we don’t always eat together because the meals take different times to make and so on. So today I decided that since S was home and I didn’t want to make something and then wait for him to make something else, plus I wanted to make enough for dinner but not so much that I’d have to eat the same for lunch tomorrow as well. I decided to make vegetarian pie.
I’ve made sweet pies before (the lemon merengue below) but never salty, I guess I’ve watch mom do it like a million times but I’d never really paid attention to it. Anyways it turned out quite good don’t ya think:

  
something is off with my proportions of the dough it is a lot less then my mom makes her dough beautifully covers the sides. I guess her form is smaller than mine. 

After the pie making I went to work… It was the first time that I felt like I didn’t make any obvious mistakes which makes it a whole lot of fun. I treated myself to a snickers because of it! I think it’s important to treat yourself to things. Things eatable or material give an extra shot of happiness when needed… Ha… I sound like a shopaholic and comfort eater…in a way I guess I am, though my current monetary situation has curbed my shopping addiction… To a degree…